The Dive Site

The p*ss-free wetsuit

25/03/2011

This is probably the funniest online classified ad I’ve ever read. One D H Morgan from the UK advertised his second hand wetsuit on ebay, but got a bit carried away with the description and rambles on about wetsuit care, bears, peeing in wetsuits, and prostitutes, among other things. You’d be tempted to say that he’d been smoking something, although he’s a surfer so that may help explain it.

People started picking up on the ad and posting it all over the web. The seller decided to donate 80% of the winning bid to earthquake relief in Japan, sponsors climbed on board, and someone ended up paying 8 999 pounds (about R100 000) which has to be a record for a second hand wetsuit.

Here is a sample of the ad (click here to read the original ad).

“I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.”